Setting and Rising.

The way the sun comes down at an earlier time towards the end of august and into september are always really sad reminders to me of how summer is winding down. Somehow driving home from work today through Figueroa in downtown made me think about England and Egham and just the year i had a abroad again. I think one of the most thrilling feelings and also really sad feelings was when the term was ending and summer was beginning and the days in England were getting incredibly longer - marking another end to a journey to the end of a season.

I specifically remember one night where many of us were hanging out at Kingswood and the drivers from the SU had been going back and forth from the parking lot. Me, being slightly hammered, yelled to the driver and asked if i could ride with him for the rest of the night until his shift ended. At around 3am i saw the sun start to change the deep shade of black blue in the sky to a hazy purple, orange, and red. I was completely taken by how early the night was turning into day and the stunning colors in the change. I shared a really sweet moment with that driver too. We talked about music, life in LA compared to England, family, friends, partying, the weather.. all of it. I expressed to him how much i'd miss this place, how i wish i met more people, and how it was unfortunate to make friends with someone so late in the game. He laughed and joked how i was already due back for a visit before i left. And with that the hours passed and students were all dropped off at their homes. The sky had turned into a cloudy blue as he took me for one last spin around the town and Royal Holloway before dropping me back off at block 7. Gave me a hug and wished me luck.

i never got his name or friended him on facebook. - it was something i shared quietly with myself as a good moment between a person and enjoyed it for what it was. A short summer night.

New Projects

So i have two new projects as far as my blogging world has come. I've finally decided to keep this blog as a companion to my personal life and thoughts while others to my somewhat multiple attributes.

So things to look out for?

One is still under development for our time as the age of the 20 - somethings.

One is for food.

see you soon!

Wasting Time

I would like to consider myself an active person.. someone who is on the go and constantly needing to do something with her hands. But today i felt like a vegetable. I suppose driving to the dentist and exploring old town with Chris was attempts to accomplish things... but i came home with the idea that i would rest easy and then study a bit..

one thing leads to another.. i see fresh fruit salad in the refridgerator.. i sit on couch.. click on the telly.

game over.

I sat for HOURS watching and watching and watching.

Cake Boss, True Life MTV I'm addicted to porn, Cake Boss, Diners Drive Ins and Dives, ABDC, Law and Order SVU, Mystery Diagnosis, Training Day, Cake Boss, Gymnastics on NBC...

MY GOODNESS! just too much tv.

I think i really need to set myself a limit from now on about how much tv i'm allowed to watch. Exerting some self-control and when to simply just turn off the TV. And it doesn't stop at TV.. i think i really need to control how much time i spend online on YouTube as well. And honestly... even how i read books. I know reading is a good thing but not when it's already 3am and i think there are 100 pages left i can finish it.. and i end up staying up another hour or so.

exerting self-control.

how do you just know??

So with my mom and dad's anniversary quickly approaching I was curious yet again this year on how it exactly worked between my mom and dad. Just a bit of background information for those who don't know but my parents only knew each other for 2 months before tying the knot. That's like less than a uci quarter of class to learn about a person... Granted I couldn't even learn where the basal ganglia was in the brain in that time.. But here 24 years later they stand to be my living proof that marriage works and love can exist for two people in ways that will never deviate from destiny.

But how?

How is it in less than 2 months my mom knew my dad was the right guy to spend the rest of forever with..

I asked her this exact question in my broken korean. And how did my mom respond?

"He made me feel comfortable. I just knew."

So is this what I'm looking for? This unexplainable reasoning of just knowing when one meets someone?? People may say that times have changed and that people get married for all the wrong reasons.. Well I don't think my mom's reasons were sound but look where they are. Funny how things work out.

C'est la vie.

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Finding your strength

So, I'm a huge advocate for personality tests and explanations that follow thereafter. So you'll see i'm in tune with being an ENFJ on MyersBriggs, a number 7 on the enneagram, and a orange in colors (wow 10th grade anyone?). It isn't an obsessive need to know what kind of person i am... but rather a means to tell me how to improve the person i am or if not allocate why i react the way i do in certain situations. I also think that these personality tests do well in explaining a lot about a person's personality in words when not thought of otherwise. Also, its really interesting for me to see how i am with other people - it gives deeper meaning why i don't get along with some people and why others create synergy with me. And in light of all of various personality tests that are out there.. i've taken to another one!

Yena and Evelyn had told me about this one called the Strengths Finder by Tim Roth (a NYtimes #1 Bestseller). The book actually gives you what you will find out about yourself after you take an online test provided with a code exclusive to you after purchasing the book. It felt somewhat backwards to me, but i understood where it was taking me. After a 30 min slew of questions about things that seemed very relevant, somewhat relevant, and neutral to me it led me to five Top Strengths. As they like to put it..

So what am i?

1. Woo

2. Activator

3. Communication

4. Futuristic

5. Adaptability

Pretty spot on if you ask me.

But more importantly, what i enjoyed about this book was not only the little snippet they gave giving detailed information of each strength, but its checklist of things that will help in managing these strengths. The checklist gives you a place to really evaluate your strength and nuture it to be stronger. Because the Strength Finder isn't trying to spot your weaknesses and improve them so as to become more "equal" and "balanced" in life. It's a means to gain even more strength by your strengths and to care for what you're good at. ie. your Talents. Excellent book i would say... somewhat geared more towards the office world but nevertheless i'm excited to read about other people's strengths if they take this test as well.

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When I'm Old...

So i found out today that my grandma has decided not to let the rest of the family in America take care of her but instead will be staying in Korea. Although I am not particularly happy with this decision, I cannot help but give her some credit for fighting this one out on her own. She decided that Korea is where she is comfortable and refuses to believe that just because there is family in the states that she will ultimately be happy here instead. But out of all this uproar in the family, I began to wonder if I would be the same if I got to be as old as my grandmother.

Though people could consider this situation to be senile and stubborn of my grandmother.. i don't particularly believe that it is. She has already given living in America a try and it did not go over too well... plus, she has friends and relatives (siblings) who come see her much more often than i see my brother now. I suppose in this whole situation it made me wonder how much people are willing to refuse what others think is best for them and do what they think is best for themselves instead. I want to be able to live like my grandmother when I'm her age. Not to say that i want to be alone with no nuclear family around... but more so that even after years of being dependent on a significant other, there is still stability and the strength to stand on one's own two feet. I suppose the only thing is to be supportive of her and make sure she hasn't hurt herself.

Finding bits and bobs

When i go on a mission to look for something around my house i always have a tendency to stray from what I was initially looking for.

today's treasures after searching for a calculator??

A load of gelly roll pens

A box with all my old earrings from high school

An iPod car charger

-- quite pleased.

unfortunately, i didn't find a calculator. Therefore will continue to do math problems on a cellphone. Cheers to my nV2.

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I want to know

Generation of 20 somethings. Those just becoming, those developing and those leaving. A demographic where so many changes happen in life and so much could determine your future. I just want to know the way we change during these years.. or not change at all.

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A special highlight

"Hello? Cardinal here!"

A special highlight of my day was speaking with the guy who takes the pharmacy's orders for certain wholesale generic brand drugs. What usually is composed of a 5 minute order where lots of numbers get tossed here and there, turned out to be a fullfledged 20 minute conversation on life. So this guy tells me about his life.. i mean not everything but enough for me to know that his 26 year old sounding voice is actually 35 and that he's married with a kid. But he tells me during this conversation how fortunate i am to be graduated now when the economy has decided to take a turn for the worse in this economic travesty. His reasons? Cut backs on school spending. greatly affected the future kids who are middle/high schoolers now. I suppose i thought we were the unfortunate generation, the "nobody can get a job" era, the failure to have a specialization leads to unemployment age, but no... there are kids out there who may be dreaming as big as we did.. but will not even get the opportunity to forge their dreams and culture their desires because a school can't fund certain classes, will not open registration for a semester, or completely slice out certain curriculum. scary thought.

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Re-Welcome

Dear me.

Lots has happened since i've last blogged. The king of Pop died (RIP MJ), an angel fell (RIP FF), i've graduated officially from university, and now i have a nearly 3month old puppy - who is probably big enough to eat my hand off already. I suppose in that time though the self is what is important (in all self-loving ways) and that i, mySELF, have been tested over this period. and that in this search for SELF i've figured out a lot.

So it's been a trying period for me these past two/three weeks yet i'm finally learning things about myself that i thought would never have occurred. it's a beautiful thing i swear.

Moving forward, I've been meaning to finally get a creative outlet and I suppose my blog is the best place to start.

But by having a stolen camera, pressed for time from work, and time spent with my precious Ritzy... where is the time?

Then again, I finally got some prints off my Holga.. i should just ask f'in overpriced Samy's to just load my pictures on a CD-R. F'ers.

ask for my PPFFCC mix. it's pretty damn good.

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