Tonight I went to an MFA poetry reading by Carol Muske Dukes and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I remember going to an MFA reading back in sophomore year and thinking how bored I was the entire time. But tonight was exceptionally good.

Carol Muske Dukes' late husband is the actor David Coleman Dukes and her dedication to him is displayed so vividly through her poetry in her recent book, Sparrow. I thought that she was going to write some morbid/depressing poems that were quite literally cliche, but her manner of writing about her late husband was so private and incredibly well versed. She said over and over again during her reading that she tried to tap multiple ways of expressing her sorrow and was trying to get over the grief in her poetry. But honestly, I thought that if it had not been the passing of her husband the material she churned out wouldn't have been as rich. It takes a moment in life and a situation that is so life changing to provoke work that is this powerful. I never thought i would be moved to tears from poetry reading... but i definitely was emotional.

She is excellent.

Mad 24 Hours

This past weekend was such a whirlwind of events that i'm not sure where to begin exactly.

Well, I suppose to start things off, I was a part of 24hr. MFD at UCI this year. With film crew Hush Hush, I thought we were going to be winners. We spent all of Friday night into Saturday filming and being delirious from working off of low carb energy drinks. But with a great concept in mind and a heart to win, we filmed like crazy. And by the 26th waking hour in me, i started to feel the energy in my body trying to grab whatever it could from wherever. I was still standing from the little coffee i drank at McDonalds and some kind of delerium that I can't really describe. Finally around 3 pm we had finished filming. I left when the editting began and left it to the pros to complete whatever was to be finished. Then, i spent one hour sleeping after 30+ hours of not, and I jetted to Kollaboration. The show was really entertaining. Lots of amazing performers and got to see some old faces. I get back to Irvine thinking that our film had already been submitted and knock out. Done.

I wake up this morning and get a call from James. Turns out ... the computer we were working on for the editting portion decided to crap out on us and not transfer the 5 min. film back onto a tape after the editting was done. just five minutes. So we had to forfeit the competition.

James put this whole situation in great perspective,

"It's like reaching the finish line and not being able to cross it."

I mean I can't say that it was the worst thing that has happened to me... but I can definitely tell you that it was one of the most disappointing. You put so much effort into something that seems like it is going to be a winner and end up losing because of something as retarded as an upload. It just burned. A lot.


Dumpling disaster

While I was studying for my anthro/linguistics midterm, I realized that I was freezing cold and really hungry. So figured, why not boil up some of my halmunee's delicious handmade dumplings and eat them piping hot to warm my frozen body. so i boiled the water, wait it out, put the dumplings in the water and wait some more. I pulled out my plate from the cupboard and excitedly place the finished steaming dumplings on the plate. I drizzle some soy sauce, vinegar, and a pinch of pepper over the delicious pockets of joy. PERFECT! I then take my dish with utensil in hand and head to the dining table. I take my first bite and it's cold.


stupid cold apartment.


He's just not that into me.

So i'm a sucker for chick flicks... but chick flicks with a message get to me even more. earlier this evening, well it was more like the 11oclock showing, I watched
He's Just Not That Into You with mai and sharon. First, i loved the film. Even though one of the characters i know had to emulate a lot of the horrible stories of women being really really embarassing, i know that there was something in her that a lot of girls could relate to. If you've ever read the book... it's done so well. but it made me think about my stupid things i had done in the past concerning guys and this movie makes me remember how the book really affected me...

Back in freshman year i had THE biggest crush on a guy. I totally thought that this was it. He was mr. perfect. We had class together and one day while i was waiting for a friend he introduced himself to me. After some small talk, we exchanged numbers and what i would like to say was the rest was history stopped there. So he never called me and later i find out that he was actually in a relationship. But I didn't care, because like any girl, i was blind. We continued to have class together and talk here and there, but nothing ever happened. But I couldn't help but feel grossly young and giddy whenever i was around him. Eventually, he went away, graduated, but something funny had started. We started to write emails to one another. And i mean, really really extensive ridiculous emails. Can one really flirt through emails? I'm not quite sure... but nevertheless, they became the BANE of my existence. I mean really horrible stuff. I would write to him immediately, write longer emails, anticipate his emails, and hope that we had this "connection." But one day, my friend passes me this book He's Just Not That Into You, and it's clarity. Like a breath of fresh air after it rains in a month of drought.WHO WAS I KIDDING!? he didn't see me in this way at all... he didn't care to call me, he didn't care to see me more than a friend, he didn't care about me the way i cared about him. but the way i would talk about him to my girlfriends really would make it sound like things were going great! That he enjoyed talking to me and that in fact he might just be interested. but nothing happened. the emails continued but he was as platonic as he could be and i was so lost. i read into them like they were love letters in beautiful gmailing font and picked at every word. I became this helpless thing that obsessed over something that clearly had no interest in me. The book spoke truth and the movie did as well ... well, in a very hollywood kind of way. I learned that i really needed to stop kidding myself into believing that whatever i had between this guy was "real." That nothing can be clear unless he has clearly made the move, and he clearly didn't and this stupid cat and mouse ordeal lasted for so long that it's embarassing to even say how long... like me confessing this story here. But in any case, I learned a lot about myself and how easily i can fall into this horrific catagory of being that girl, that dumb girl. But i've lifted myself out of it and tread waters carefully yet with an open mind. Because even if stupid things like this happen, it doesn't make me lose hope that there is a good guy out there that suits me and pursues me for in everyway i pursue him.


all in all. watch the movie. It's good.