In circles...

So today, Debbie and I were trying sort out some shit for new years eve. We came to the conclusion that

1. we don't want to spend a whole lot of money
2. but go big
3. spend it with the people we love
4. look good doing it.

problem is, LA may provide the hottest night clubs and the spot to be at for NYE but how much is it worth it to party at these places that are asking for $100+ just for entrance? And then on top of that, they pack the place to the point where you can't even get drinks or dance. Some of the shittiest most AZN night clubs even jack up their prices to nearly 125 to the priciest i've seen at $10,500! So deb calls ben and asks him after his years of experience whats a good idea, place or thing to do. And what do we get? we find that in the end its just going back to house parties.

So is that the way to go? or should we learn from our own experiences, go to the crap parties that are way too crowded, find that they are crap, and then go back to house parties?


Hello December...

How do you do?

I suppose a funny thing about this month is that it is the last year that my security about a lot of my future seems to end. What I want to do in the following year has never been so much of a question for me since there was always the answer of school. But now that i'm here at the end of the year and next year all i've got is half a year of school left, i wonder what will exactly happen with the rest of it. I'm sure that this has been a question for many seniors and I hardly can believe that i've reached this point in my life where I'm beginning to truly question the future. Honestly, its quite frightening.

On another note, I watched Harry Potter again on ABC family today and couldn't believe how long it had been since i had last watched this film. The best part about it was thinking back on how many times i had gone out to watch a Harry Potter film out at the theaters and who i went with for each one of the situations. Best of all, i remember the first time that i went to go watch Harry Potter and it was when I was in middle school. And now.. what, nearly 10 years later... i think, how much of a difference there has been from the first one to the latest. Even funnier is the fact that now when i listen to the dialogue in the movie, i pick up on small English slang that i would have never figured or heard before. Its incredible... in fact i'm tempted to read the books over again... but maybe not the last two because they were a bit of a drag to read through. But don't get me wrong, i think JK Rowling is still quite the genius.

In any case, finals are this week and all i can think about is how much i'm ready to get them over with. I'm tired of school and i desperately want the winter break to start. This quarter has been a wreck. I've been lost, confused, frustrated, and ready for a milkshake.


missing the point

We're into the week nine of school right now and i can't help but think how so many times i've written a blog entry about how times pass so quickly. if thats all that i think about, i wonder if there is something i'm missing. Thanksgiving is literally around the corner and as far as i'm concerned, Professor Bach killed my childhood conception of what thanksgiving is supposed to be like. Especially at the part when the native Americans were all killed by the "grace of God" and that the pilgrims were giving thanks for being the chosen people. Does this make sense? In lieu of this explanation, the new holiday spirit is in place and i am truly excited about thanksgiving. Especially since i haven't been able to take a breather for the last however long its been. School has just totally taken over my life and the small things to get excited for seem to be nonexistent. I'm missing england and i miss my friends from abroad... its not much you can do but wait it out and hope that the feelings become less and less painful.


President Barack Obama

I would never have thought that I would witness such an immense day in history. People across the world watched as the 44th president of the United States of America was selected by the nation. Even if by popular vote Obama won by only a few percent, that margin is still large enough for me to believe that the country spoke up about who they wanted. I'm so excited for change to come and how Obama has already broken down so many barriers. I'm so glad to have shared this evening with my parents and my closest friends. This is definitely a day that will never be forgotten.

Congratulations President Barack Obama.


Cool Breeze

September always provides to be a really exciting month for me. It's full of emotions, cached with surprises, and extremely exhausting. I love that the summer months are ending and that school is coming back into session. I hate that the summer months are ending and that school is coming back into session. I grow older by a year with every september that passes. I even get a wisp of Yom Kippur if i'm lucky and if not, i get to have Autumn start in September. Its like that desperate heat of the summer ceases to exist and the cool breeze of winter slowly wafts the scent of fall into the air. I've missed the cold of england. I've missed england. And this may possibly be the last year that i start school again in september after a summer of wishful thinking.




Barking Dogs

Well, Hello there August. I've jumped right past you July and figured why not just have an affair with the newbie.

its been strange how life seems to be at a constant standstill. time doesn't move, nothing changes and yet somehow... everything still does manage to situate itself differently. August is supposed to full of changes, move ins and outs, finding a job, having a good time, birthdays and the whole shebang. What we've got here is a dead end job at the parent's joint and managing some time to learn French. 10 Minutes a day and i should be ready to leave for Paris.. or montreal. whatever.

The dogs outside bark so loudly that I think they are telling me that I'm back in california. England was so quiet... even crickets didn't seem to be as prevalent. Noise pollution at its best here in southern CA. 

What i need more than anything is to travel again. Something inside me dies every time i receive emails about the the latest deals to the furthest paradise.


Back home

Its been nearly 2 weeks since i've been back home from England. I'm not quite sure where to start with how i've been feeling and how much I've changed the way i used to be.

I woke up this morning to my mother asking me whether i was going to church and immediately my response was a no and returned to some horrid dream i continue to be having these last few days. Before i left for England back in September or even Korea back in June, i didn't even need my mother's questioning about going somewhere else on Sundays but its all dissipated. I no longer find the urge nor do i really have the drive to go to church on Sunday afternoons. I'm not confused nor am i lost about how i feel about certain things but i feel i need to not step back into my "normal" life that used to be mine when i left England.

I searched for change when I left for England back in September. I wanted to be a different person, to try different things, be adventurous, and seek new people to guide me in my journey. I definitely got what i wished for. I got to be who i wanted to be for the months that i was gone. I allowed myself to fall into the plunders of being a young person and steep in the mistakes that people make in their lifetimes that i so allowed myself to avoid while i lived in California. I fell in love and am still in love. I got to be as selfish and greedy as i could have wanted to be and never felt vile about it. It was by far the most rewarding experience ever. And now being back here its as if i've hit a standstill on this amazing most ridiculous rollercoaster ride yet it continues to creep forward slowly.

People have asked me "how is it to be back?" and my answers haven't been the happiest person's answers but its difficult to answer to a question where you don't want to hurt the feelings of the asker and really be truthful to what you're feeling at the moment. So how has it been since i've been back? Its been good with a slight sigh and a crooked smile. I miss so much of what was home for me for the past year and i'm still figuring out a way to call the place i used to call home, home again. Its all been a process. I've lost so much having come back but i'm gaining again as i am back here again. Old friends, family, and a lifestyle that once was mine before i left to discover a new one but one that is better than it was before. I'm learning to readjust and its a process that is going to take time but i can already find myself getting comfortable in. Its been an amazing year so far and i can't wait to see what there is for me to discover and live for with whats left of it.



The junior year of my high school year my family and i went to Europe. We hit England, France, Switzerland, and Italy. But the funny thing was that when we were here (or there) all i was was a miserable teenage angst-struck girl who was sick of traveling with the extended parts of the family. I was in tears most of the time because I saw nothing that was to any part of my own desire. So, what did i do? I promised myself on a night tour of Rome that i would come back to Europe and do it right when i was older. What is crazy is that I had actually thought that Paris was not as good as i had always imagined it to be when i first came. But this last trip re-evaluated everything and made me realized that it was everything that i had dreamed of it to be before i came out the first time before my senior year.

It was a dream. It was pain au chocolats, bonjours, au revoirs, crepes, fondue, Parisennes, angelina's, chocolat, baguettes, D'orsay, and so much more. I loved everything about Paris. It was incredible because 5 years ago i was afraid to walk the streets alone and this past time i walked myself from the Eiffel tower to D'orsay to Academie Musique without a problem. I realized that it was then that things have changed dramatically for me. I've disconnected from my parents, i've become my own, and i love running around by myself. Of course, Cheryl and Adrienne made the experience all the better.. but I felt so at peace being in Paris and soaking in what it had to offer. It was the best feeling.

Now i'm done with exams and i can't wait to see what troubles i come up within the last weeks i have in the country i've so desperately fallen in love with. I'm all yours England.


So close

But damn why does it have to be so far away?

Today, I went to dinner and sat with all the others in my hall. out of the 10 or so out of us only 3 others were still in exams. I'm so close but it seems just that much further away from reaching my goal of the end of exams. the funny thing is that i don't think that i want it to come either. I want it to end so quickly and have so many things to look forward to but that only means that my time here is coming to a close. what it ultimately means is that i'll be leaving here before i even know it.

So then what do i do?

I try to set myself up in this idea that since i'm here and i don't have much time i should just enjoy myself, studies or no studies included. But at the same time another side of me is telling me that i came here to study as well as have fun and should study as much as i can while i'm still awake. I keep convincing myself that i've worked hard enough for the day so i lay off for a bit and even manage to take naps. I don't want this to be over but I don't want to be in exams. I really just want to hang out, enjoy my company, and bake some more in the sun.

Is this too much to ask for?


Downside of Summer

I know that there are plenty of upsides of summer that many people enjoy. The sunshine, the ladies wearing skimpier clothing, the drinks in the sun, tans, sunglasses that you can actually wear appropriately, beaches, and the whole spectrum of glorious summer traits. But there is always a downside. Who am I kidding, its the one upside of winter that makes the downside of summer so down. Ok, enough ups and downs. But I can definitely say that the worst part of summer are the bugs.

Mosquitos and all those other pesky little mosquitos are the BANE of my existence during the summertime. Especially since I get terrible allergic reactions to bug bites, they are just not my slice of pie. And i don't know what it is, but within the last two/three days i've accumulated over 7 mosquito bites. And these are those cute little mosquito bites that get no bigger than a five pence coin (a dime for you Americans), but they grow and swell to the size of a baseball (cricket for you English). They get feverish and they turn into this intense bright red color. Unfortunately, of the 7 mosquito bites, 6 of them are dispersed on my legs, which means no shorts for quite awhile. what a drag! its hitting 77ºF tomorrow and i wanted to tan my legs...



Can it take any longer for the sunshine to finally come out and show itself? it took so long for the sun to show itself in England but it came out to the extent that i have burned! well it isn't a crazy tan but i won't lie, i see myself getting browner and the other girls here are red as tomatoes. Which means that the sun was hot enough to get the blood boiling in all respects

With exams all the way until the end of May, there is no doubt that not everyone is finished with their exams. The funny thing though is that people are coming out to Founder's quad as though exams have already finished and are enjoying a light alcoholic jug of Pimms to enjoy with it all. I have never seen all of Roho so happy with sunshine in their faces. I won't even deny the fact that i got my ounce of sunshine as well. Yesterday i went out with Cheryl from 10am until 4pm grasping every little UVA and UVB under my spf40'd skin. I unfortunately not knowing how sunny it was going to be wore a shirt that had a huge X on the back and there followed a beautiful jester pattern. It is so good to see my arms back to their normal color that i can almost forget my sallowness from the weeks before. We went again this morning at 10 to sit and study but by 2 o clock i had been drained of my energy or will power and punched drunk with love by the sun. By quarter past two, i was knocked out in my room until four. what a beautiful afternoon. summer you're the love of my life. x


The Cans Art Festival

I've been to plenty of art exhibitions and there are plenty that i have missed unfortunately. But there was one that i refused to miss yesterday. With the goodness of facebook Jenny managed to send me a message about the Cans Art Festival that was to take place in a tunnel underneath Waterloo Station in London. With exams still well underway, i knew that it would be somewhat problematic to try to even go anywhere outside of Egham, but i had to stop myself and think. What reasons i came out here were not limited to the studying that RoHo has been restricting for me to do. There is a life outside of the walls of Founder's Building and i was definitely out to find what it was. So at 8am, i pushed my precious Ben aside and clamored out of bed in order to get out to the train station by 9am. Stupid train times were longer than usual because of stupid Bank Holiday, but i slept on the train and made it to Waterloo. I shoved my way into the queue that was longer than some that i've witnessed in England, and was ready to "GENTRIFY THIS!" This was one of the most refreshing art exhibitions i've been to in such a long time. Banksy gone and done himself well by making sure this wonderful stencilized event got seen. Check it.

all i can is that it was well worth the wasted half day because well,... it wasn't wasted at all.


Democracy in Britain

Tomorrow's exam is quite possibly one of the most difficult exams I will encounter since the start of my exam period this past week. Unfortunately, while everyone else was complaining how in their last exam they couldn't fully complete their last question out of 3 to the extent that they wanted to, I won't be able to fully complete my last exam of the week out of three. Was relatively more prepared to get down to the exam for the last exam, but now i'm wondering if i am even going to be passing this class tomorrow. i suppose that only time will help me figure it out. i really don't care about whether the system is pluralist or competitive elitist. i don't care if people think that the PM is actually closer in personality to the President of the US. i just. don't. care.

Other than that, i've realized i don't like the rain any more. Back in California i used to appreciate rain as it was the only means making the dust settle, freshen the air, and get a free car wash. Here, all it is is miserable. I'm watching it fall between little teases of sunshine and its by far the worst thing ever. Its been raining for the last 3-4 weeks and its just been incessant. All i hear about from californians is the effect of sunshine being so hot and gross that they just want to stay inside their air conditioned rooms. hello, people. my room is still being heated 24/7 with the radiator that sits in the corner.

where are you sunshine? where?


18th Century British History

During my year here I've been studying extensively on 18th century British history. And when i mean extensively, i mean i can tell you about their trade, their growth in provincial towns, literature, and even sexuality. Glorious Revolutions, Reformation Acts, East India Company, Lady Montague, Emma Donaghue, ... etc. The people during this time period were powerful thinkers, had new ideas, romanticized over love, and did nothing with their spare time except read if you were apart of the genteel or the elite. Women were considered sexual beings who needed to have sex in order to balance their wet and cold fluids. Men were throwing away inhibitions and sodomizing with each other in St. James Park. Masquerades were huge, hair was even bigger, and shopping became a habit. London was the place to be in all of the world unless you needed some rest and relaxation then Bath and Tunsbridge Wells provided your pampering needs. Times were good, if you had the money.

Unfortunately, i have an exam on all of this useless information tomorrow afternoon and i'm not quite sure if i'm just about ready for all it. I want to say that I will be able to tackle this exam tomorrow but i must keep studying to figure it all out.



Just because I'm in England doesn't mean that tea has been my staple drink of choice. But, i can't deny the joy that i've found in drinking tea with a little bit of milk. What especially made me fall in love with English tea was when I went to Hampton Court Palace with Debbie and had English tea with scones, clotted cream (don't ask me what this is), and jam. WOW. Sounds really stupidly simply but the scones were perfectly baked and the clotted cream and jam made the whole situation creamy and fruity at the same time. I guess the closest thing i can relate it to is when we eat cream cheese with strawberry jam. yum.

So Whittards is a pleasant tea store chain that dominates all of London and other towns. They have the strangest sounding teas as well as all your conventional teas. The best thing though is that their line of green teas is incredible. Having bought a line of peach green tea and mango green tea, regular green tea sounds so boring! But of course i still love my rooted green tea with brown rice. Whittards also has these great powdered teas that Christine has fallen in love with that are sweet but still have the essence of tea behind it all. Mulled wine still one of my favorites. Some legit tea from Whittards is the way to go.



For those of you who know me pretty well know that i have certain tv shows that i cannot live without. Those being Project Runway, Grey's Anatomy, and many shows on Food Network. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), when I came to England I was left without a telly and any real connection with the television industry. But eventually, though i had wept for weeks from the pure absence of the blur of the tv, i was struck with "luck" when the writers went on strike. With that, the American TV industry was full stop, with a few exceptions, and I didn't have weekly tastings to look forward to. Then I stepped into Skins.

People always say that American TV shows have been blowing up the scene, especially with shows like Lost, 24, Prison Break, House, Grey's... etc. But Skins brought me back from the grandeur of adult shows back to teenage shows. MTV has definitely disappeared from me since i've been here so it was definitely bizzare watching a show that didn't involve people who were younger than 25. Skins is your typical teenage show. You've got your jock, the hottie, the druggie, the anorexic, the dork, the gay guy, the wangsta, the stalker, and the talent who all have serious family and internal issues. But even though people don't believe that this show is all that great, i love it. Just because it throws me back to teenage angst shows that we used to watch back when Dawson's Creek, Roswell, One Tree Hill, and Popular. Except, England does it right when they don't displace all the cursing, drugs, and sex. Well season 2 is over, and that may be the end of the journey for the show. Well played.



No, I'm not talking about that great surfer brand that accommodates for all them gorgeously fit blonde haired surfers of California but in fact i'm talking about the chain of pubs that exist in London and probably other parts of England. Unfortunately, I can only claim to have seen them in London alone. Last night I ventured out with Bruna, Ms. Thang, Sara, and Natalie to the Picadilly Circus O'Neils, promising a good time. Let me first clarify that I'm exceedingly wary of places like O'Neils because it attracts the greats of America and more American students to come together and dance to covers of American music. And to my great surprise, there was no surprise.

We were greeted by an obtrusively large bouncer who hackled at us for being Americans via looking at our IDs. We make it to the top floor, aside from the toilets, to the Music Room, blasted by the slightly techno slightly not music, small dance floor and smaller stage. I order myself a lager top (beer topped with some Sprite) and wash down my negativity. What a good time I had! Lo and behold the places gets packed by midnight and the band goes on and plays their own versions of Foo Fighters, A-Ha, Cee-lo, Sum 41, Greenday, Queen and so on. We all have a great time dancing with the other crazy Americans, avoid the creepy Spanish creeper who grabs my hand when i'm throwing up my gang signs, talk with old balding men, and deplete at the sight of scruffy boys. But it gets better, the night ends with curry fries. oh, yes.


A4 Paper

"Why is this paper so long?"

When I first received my letter of acceptance to Royal Holloway it was on this gorgeous piece of A4 cardboard with an official seal and the whole bit. But after the excitement of me being accepted the first question that came in to mind was "Why is this paper so long?" To my pleasant surprise, the US uses tiny pieces of paper compared to the legal pad of the UK. It not like it makes that much of a difference, but there is definitely one when you're comparing the two sheets. The US for once fails to be larger, greater, bigger in products than the English in this sense. What wimpy 8.5/11 sheets. What does it say about England though? It says that they are regal and need exceedingly long pieces of paper with only two holes to put in a binder. There came my second surprise, the size of the paper is long but the holes to hold all your papers in a folder are nothing but these two inadequate holes. You would think that with something that is so big you'd have more than just two holes to hold your incredibly large pieces of paper. Was very wrong. But the great thing about this paper is that it feels like it goes on forever. I was writing notes for my British Democracy class and all i could think was "Omg. This paper is so long." what a feat.



Today, I went down to Egham after some studying at Bedford to watch my Ben get groomed at McBarbers and then grab some groceries at Tesco. I realized after walking around the Tesco (Metro to be exact) how much i've actually grown to enjoy the shopping trips i missed so much doing back at home. In so many ways Tesco is completely inadequate and deficient when providing certain foods but in so many other ways its has whatever you need. Let me elaborate. In aisle 5 you'll find a wide selection of birthday cards to buy for your great aunt who's turning 40 again, diapers, a romantic comedy DVD for your viewing pleasure, annddddd a tv and dvd player to watch them on. Whats great is that Tesco will not only provide you with the entertainment aspect part of your life, it will also connect you to the rest of the world, protect you from danger, spare you some money when you're children need education, and a carton of 6 free range eggs. Seriously, Tesco has its own like to broadband, mobile phone connection, car insurance, and loans. You can't go wrong with this place! Not only that Ben and I were able to grab some wholesome organic spinach and carrots to make sure our stomachs aren't being infested with bizarre chemicals that nobody can pronounce. If Tesco Metro has this much stuff can you even imagine what Tesco HomePlus offers? But of all the things that this wonderful bazaar of delicious jaffa cakes and tabloids provides, it doesn't have tofu. uh, what? In any case, after spending a sumptuous £9.44 on various produce, fruits, hummous, pitta bread (english spellings), cereal, and juice, we ran to the bus stop to catch a bus for our long journey home.



Being a student here for the last however many months since September has made me realize how much i hate and would hate being a student here. Don't get me wrong, i love this school and the people that i've met here but the academic process which they go by is absolutely ridiculous. I know that not everything is the same wherever you're from but who goes about spending their entire easter vacation solely studying for things that you learned back in september and then some? I don't suppose that the UC Irvine system of testing after every quarter helps us with our acne, stress levls, or reproductive organs but its well worth it when your finals are done and your break is literally stress free. I don't really enjoy this idea that i walked around the procession to the Colloseum whilst thinking about whether a liberal democratic constitution will ever be in place for Britain. I've spent all my breaks here with the conception and burden of more terrible things to come. Yes i know that my break was 5 weeks long, but what good is a break when it isn't really relaxing but much more intensive work? Do academic leaders and teachers realize the stress that students have to go through nowadays?


back to more work.



Its the middle of April basically and all i see outside my window right now is a bunch of rain. the sun will peak from here and there but the main stance seems to be that it will rain continuously. . .

Since i have been here i have no idea why but i've become incredible obsessed with checking the weather in various parts of the world. its not like i don't like being here... i just want to be outside and this rain isn't letting me.


listening to sean's podcast.



The funny thing about me is that i love to study at libraries. But thats not the funny part. The funny thing is that i really enjoy studying at libraries but i vehemently hate the noise. Especially the noise coming from a group of 4 Chinese exchange students who can't stop talking. I understand the exceptional chit chat from a passerby-er but if you're going to keep talking... why not just go downstairs where you can talk? i think i'm just venting from the work i'm not getting done here myself.

The thing is that when i was actually not studying the first two weeks while i was away at barcelona and rome, i desperately wanted to get studying and cracking into these amazing mid 18th century books. unfortunately, the moment i landed into heathrow again and saw that i had a mound of work to attack... i didn't want to do it anymore. and now being in the library... i don't want to do it at all.


back to work.


End of Term

Happy good Friday.

New things happen so quickly and turn in to old events immediately.

Yesterday was the end of term and now i have break until the end of april! the terrible thing about this though is that i have to study intensely for my exams that are going to happen the moment that break is over. But other than that, i have some plans to travel again. Barcelona again to visit Jefe and then Rome to see Debbie and Christine. In between all of this i'm hoping to get out to many different places however difficult it may be to do so. we'll see.

Other than that, Spring Blowout at the Student Union last night was amazingly fun.

It hailed today so much that it looked like it snowed on the lawn outside.

I'm falling... foolishly.



Been awhile.

So i promised myself that i would make this a more frequent thing this year and i really need to keep up with it.

so i will give a short update and then i'll upload some pictures later.

i visted the wonderful tina in Milan this weekend and saw Debbie out there was well. we go to spend time together in Venice to celebrate Carnevale, which was absolutely amazing. the costumes the people and just the whole vibe of the place was thriving, even if the rain was pouring. I definitely will not forget this past weekend.

but now running on so little sleep i've forgotten that i had class at 12 this afternoon. thats twice in a row. ugh.



i had a really good time at medicine on saturday night with the californians. + made a new friend. but it didn't help that i only had one hour of sleep and went to watch the Tempest in london.I can only tell you that the set was interesting, the actors were loud, and i even missed half the monologue in the conclusion.

no more spicy indian food.


exchange one for another

When you have really bad food at the dining hall... what do you do?

you make your own bizarre food.

i need to find a market pronto.



What happens when you wake up at 6:30 to figure out whether you have class on mondays or not?... pure magic.

So i didn't turn off my lights last night (yes i know you nrg buffs) and at around 6:30 the blaring light from up top was telling me to get up way before my time to turn it off. But then i thought about it and figured I should definitely find out whether i have class or not today because i wasn't sure before i went to bed.


i don't have class.

kaplow! watch the sun come up.


Two Thousand 8

Happy New Year!

Back in LA for the winter break has been incredibly interesting.

You come to learn about how much you appreciate home when you're away from it all, but i'm pretty sure everyone knows that.

Being back home has i've become much more observant when it comes to fashion. I've also intensely realized that people in California are no where near the fashion i've seen in London. Not to say that people dress worse here but they dress differently. Californians I've realized are a little bit more
quirky when it comes to the way that they dress. Especially during the winter months they seem a lot more confused. Of course the classic example is the girls with ugg boots and the jean skirts. But i've also come across girls in knee-length coats with open toe shoes, cheetah fur vests with tank top, and the very classy cropped mid-drift sweater over some shiny satin pants aka trousers.

In any case...

recent obsession:: leather jackets

not the tacky kind.

mike & chris Bryant Long Sleeve

Madison Marcus Leather Hoodie in gunmetal