through the grapevine

I was given a bit of insider information about a certain somebody... but the funny thing is that if i were the younger me, i would have taken this information to heart and really not have pursued anything that had to do with the person. But for some reason, I listened.. observed.. and have decided to make my own conclusions about the person. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt and relinquishing their past as their own lost world is all i can do because that person is hopefully doing the same for me. And if they hear something they don't like me and decide to no longer continue whatever this we're in... well their loss.


sunday morning routine

Wake up.

Stretch arms over head until i touch the walls.

check blackberry for messages.



wander house aimlessly and tidy.

wash the body from smelling like an ashtray.

make phone calls.

out for lunch.


before it ends

before this month ends what i want to remember.

worrying about something makes me lose weight in an unhealthy way.
worrying while eating makes me vomit.

my belief in karma has dwindled.

french fries don't only need to be dipped in ketchup. try curry.

don't forget my direction... because in the end that's the only one that matters.


What is it?

I'm not quite sure what it is.. but i don't want any of it. especially when it's not right from any of them...

so how do i simply say no and keep moving forward alone?


My loves

Had so much fun last night.


Heat. Sweet Heat.

It seems simple enough that people can discern a change in seasons when the hours in the day fall short with the light provided by the sun and a cool breeze that sweeps. But californians get teased a lot when it comes to temperature. This week for example has been a cool tease by the marine layer and the beating sun. Earlier this week was so promising. I was already unpacking my scarves and longsleeves and then come wednesday and the sun is beaming like it never missed a beat. I want it to be cold. And the sooner it is colder the happier i think i'd be.

Or maybe it's just another excuse for me to be happy when times arent really.


Surprising Beauty

Explored the back side of my garage today and found a beauty.

and she's all brand new.
mon dieu. i'm in love. 


Therapy in Many Ways

People have a tendency to exert their anger or frustrations in multiple ways. Some love to run, some love to eat, and some love to write. Unfortunately, I have been given the amazing ability to clear my head with the swipe of a credit card.

Retail Therapy.

I was in a funk this afternoon due to some cranky people at work and couldn't get myself out of it. The only thing i could think of was how  a purchase at the wonderful Anthropologie would make me feel better. And to be honest, i hate being that girl who has to shop to make herself feel better on a not so hot day. But to no avail i stepped into the decadently scented Anthro with nothing else in mind except to buy buy  buy. I walked by the accessories, the dresses, and the vivid sale section. I stopped by the lush fabrics in the bedding section. Held the beautiful glass cups and goblets in the light of the kitchen ware section. I smelled every soap, perfume, and candle that was around. By this point i'm sure i looked like another looney who wanders a store for much too long. In any case, after about an hour and half i had made some damage on my cc and walked out without a frown.

Again, as much as i hate being this "confessions of a shopaholic" type, this was my hour and half away from dumb reality. I was able to escape from my worries and really just care about if this color would go with that color. But maybe in the end...

It's time to find a new kind of therapy.


Long Weekend Ends

It's a curious thing being in the working world and finding people so in love with the fact that a three day weekend has approached yet when it passes they are more miserable than they were at last week's normal weekend.

Is this how things will amount in the next few years now? we only desire these long weekends and hope for the vacation times to come faster. Are we not going to enjoy the week for what it is anymore?

I've been spoiled by all of school's insurmountable holidays.


John Williams

I hope that johnny lives for another 50 years so that my kids can hear his amazing compositions!!

I went to the hollywood bowl tonight to listen for the first time (i know, pathetic) John William's compositions over time. Goodness i was blown away beyond anything. I mean i know that he's done some of hollywood's greatest hits, but my thoughts about his music didn't really go past the 80s star wars gigs.



i mean the list goes on and on and on. By the first song of Harry Potter at the bowl tonight i knew that this was going to be an annual thing. I'm in love.


Up in Smoke

I understand that the Station fires happening right now in LC and other parts of the greater los angeles county have been pretty frightening and damn well horrible for our lungs, but i can't help but admire the sunsets.

Like today the sun looked like it was a bleeding a hot red and melting beneath clouds where there are no words for it's color. It was frighteningly beautiful.

But i've come to sadly realize that a Southern California summer without any brush fire is a strange summer. one that is out of order and one that needs to be put back into order. But every year i hear about fires, i see fires, i smell fires and can't help but wish that people stop making fires happen. It's like the perpetual mixed feelings of watching them in awe and being absolutely angered by it all. I drive up the 110 daily and can't help but try to stop the tears that keep mustering behind my eyes because of the horrible situation this is causing on so many lives. I've become so much more emotional in light of natural/unnatural human disaster.

which reminds me

don't watch the History Channel's special on the failing infrastructure of america. That has led me to believe that every bridge in america will crumble. The kind of fear that happens when you cross the arts building bridge in Irvine the first time as a freshman and somehow miss a step and lurch forward. And then you think "Am i crazy? or is this bridge moving??"

Breath of fresh air

I get a chance to breathe every now and again even despite the horrific air conditions right now. Today's breath of fresh air (i sound like NPR radio) couldn't have happened without the purchase of a few tickets and a drink of tea. I can't say that this person was quite a good friend of mine.. we're hardly acquaintances.. but we sat down and talked for hours. I felt immediately comfortable sharing things with him and listening to all his great stories. I couldn't help but feel at ease and hope that the coffee shop didn't close so quickly. I've come to realize that sometimes strangers have the excellent quality to take you for who you are at the moment and not based on whats happened in the past. Granted, he wasn't completely a stranger and maybe we just make great conversationalists... but it was a great way to put my evening away.