Just as excited...

I hope that you are just as excited as i am about this new year.

Happy New Years Eve!

here's to the new decade of decadence!


Happy Holidays!

It's only 11:22 in the morning of Christmas and I'm in a very good mood.

Nothing like some good ol' blueberry pancakes with sweet sausage to put you in a good place.

along with a pink Snuggie from my brother, a cereal dispenser from my mom.

and cold hard cash from grams/gramps


i love my family.

Merry Christmas Everyone!


Le Creuset

Is it absolutely inane of me to merely want a set of Le Creuset's cast iron pots, pans and other various baking dishes for Christmas this year?


A stray from the reel.

I'm obsessed with heels that seem demure... but have such an intense statement. obsessed.

by the way,

happy 101st Blogpost to me.


pop art blue

Zero 7 it was a pleasure meeting you. You were all so very wonderful.


I can't wait to meet you

the both of you.






Another week of work is exactly what i need right now.

Another week of challenges and another week of new adventures.



Are we ever safe?

It's a funny thing if we think about how unsafe we all are. I mean we all try to be physically safe by being aware, driving carefully, and making sure our surroundings are safe. But isn't it strange how there is no means to really protect yourself emotionally? I mean, granted that we can try to desperately hope to prepare for the worst to happen... but who can live in that kind of world? I certainly couldn't. So what do you do? How do you protect yourself from getting hurt emotionally? From heartbreak?




Paris When it Sizzles

Awhile back i bought an Audrey Hepburn DVD pack from Amazon in order to obtain some of her other classics that i don't have in my collection. Within the package came Paris When it Sizzles, and to be honest.. without hearing so many rants and raves about how great this movie is.. i wasn't very interested. And being such a great Audrey Hepburn fan and not seeing the movie, i felt rather guilty. But i proceeded to watch the film tonight.

General thoughts... I actually thought the beginning was good but then it fell of the scale pretty quickly towards the middle. Enough for me to pause, grab a drink, cut some fruit, and then finish the film. I mean this wasn't even War and Peace worthy of a pause. The storyline was creative and probably done before... but I think the fashion of how easily Gaby (Audrey Hepburn) falls for Rick (William Holden) was what actualy made me turn off from this film. I mean even in Funny Face it takes a bit of movement to get Jo Stockton to love Dick Avery. BUT old flicks and the easily chimed chick flicks of it's day... still a classic i would say. Plus William Holden in his drunken bloody mary misery was charming... his wardrobe was also well coordinated if i may add.

A good classic Sunday night.

Let's get ready for another week of work folks!
let's try to maintain this blog as i should be getting more interesting things to talk about in these next few months. even if the situations are minute and really not relating to anything.

Tis' the Season

To go shopping.

Fa la la la.. la la la la


Free Food for Millionaires

There is something strange about me and finishing books. I love relishing in a book for the days that it takes to read it and anticipate the end as it always makes me feel like i've accomplished something... yet by that point i become so consumed by all the characters that i feel somewhat empty after i've finished reading the book.

Take for example

Free Food for Millionaires by Min Jin Lee. It was upon a recommendation of a friend that i read this book and thank goodness i read it. I love how the author takes into consideration each character she presents and gives each of their history not in lots, but as one reads the book. I was so consumed by the characters and their livelihood that it even crossed my mind inbetween my sit downs with the book. Would Casey persist to stay with Unu? Will Ella ever forgive Ted? Can Leah ever face the truth? And once i had completed the ridiculously long book today... i felt empty. In some weird way, i grew antsy and i couldn't shake it off. I wanted to read more and find out about what happened next. Reading becomes like watching a really good tv show before i go to bed.. and now i have to find another book that can keep me captivated like this.

Any suggestions? Otherwise, i'm moving on to a book called Bought that i received for free in a gift bag a spa treatment. Free books always make me a bit wary.


Well that was a quick month...

October flew by like i didn't even see it. happen. what?

Time for a new look.

feeling uninspired.


Hearing the obvious

Today i heard the obvious.
do you ever have those days where you hear what you already know. yet hearing it again makes your heart tingle again and again. i couldn't believe how hearing what i already knew made me feel this way. Maybe being reaffirmed by the person sets the situation in stone.

yet, even though i knew it to be true.

It didn't stop from breaking my heart
but this truth wasn't something that i wanted to hear when everything about the timing was off. and the manner by which we talked about how things could have spread out, can spread out, will spread out, and are spreading makes me wonder.


at the same time

hoping for the best.
yet only it was handled so well.

And whether or not timing is everything in a situation like this... i can't help but wonder if the timing worked out perfectly to make sure something didn't happen. Funny how things work out. we'll see.


Thai Iced Tea


Tonight i had some excellent Thai iced tea.. and to no avail i am now awake and churning. I tried doing to some crunches and stretches to calm me and now i'm just even more alert. this isn't healthy i know.. and i have a full day of work tomorrow so i'm not quite sure what to do... a warm glass of milk?


new stuff to handle this month.

I want to be productive. Not like i wasn't in any sense last month. I was just busy all throughout september. but back in August when i was studying for my CPhT test, i felt accomplished again. like getting an A in school. I'm also proud to say that when i got my scores back for the PTCB i got an 830 out of 900. yessss.. feels like SATs again.. but better... since i'm more eligible for hire.

But seriously, I'm looking into going to classes again. And truthfully i'm open to anything. I think that it is time for me to explore my options again and really figure out something that piques my interest. So i've decided to enroll in some CE classes, an online course through Kaplan, and maybe look into getting language lessons somewhere. Whether it is more Korean or French again.. i haven't decided. I just realized that i enjoy studying and that the joy of learning hasn't died in me just yet.

It's time to get the ball moving in all sorts of directions and maybe somewhere in the midst of all this i'll figure something out, be inspired, and get some real good shit out there.

wish me luck.

and a Happy October to you too.



through the grapevine

I was given a bit of insider information about a certain somebody... but the funny thing is that if i were the younger me, i would have taken this information to heart and really not have pursued anything that had to do with the person. But for some reason, I listened.. observed.. and have decided to make my own conclusions about the person. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt and relinquishing their past as their own lost world is all i can do because that person is hopefully doing the same for me. And if they hear something they don't like me and decide to no longer continue whatever this we're in... well their loss.


sunday morning routine

Wake up.

Stretch arms over head until i touch the walls.

check blackberry for messages.



wander house aimlessly and tidy.

wash the body from smelling like an ashtray.

make phone calls.

out for lunch.


before it ends

before this month ends what i want to remember.

worrying about something makes me lose weight in an unhealthy way.
worrying while eating makes me vomit.

my belief in karma has dwindled.

french fries don't only need to be dipped in ketchup. try curry.

don't forget my direction... because in the end that's the only one that matters.


What is it?

I'm not quite sure what it is.. but i don't want any of it. especially when it's not right from any of them...

so how do i simply say no and keep moving forward alone?


My loves

Had so much fun last night.


Heat. Sweet Heat.

It seems simple enough that people can discern a change in seasons when the hours in the day fall short with the light provided by the sun and a cool breeze that sweeps. But californians get teased a lot when it comes to temperature. This week for example has been a cool tease by the marine layer and the beating sun. Earlier this week was so promising. I was already unpacking my scarves and longsleeves and then come wednesday and the sun is beaming like it never missed a beat. I want it to be cold. And the sooner it is colder the happier i think i'd be.

Or maybe it's just another excuse for me to be happy when times arent really.


Surprising Beauty

Explored the back side of my garage today and found a beauty.

and she's all brand new.
mon dieu. i'm in love. 


Therapy in Many Ways

People have a tendency to exert their anger or frustrations in multiple ways. Some love to run, some love to eat, and some love to write. Unfortunately, I have been given the amazing ability to clear my head with the swipe of a credit card.

Retail Therapy.

I was in a funk this afternoon due to some cranky people at work and couldn't get myself out of it. The only thing i could think of was how  a purchase at the wonderful Anthropologie would make me feel better. And to be honest, i hate being that girl who has to shop to make herself feel better on a not so hot day. But to no avail i stepped into the decadently scented Anthro with nothing else in mind except to buy buy  buy. I walked by the accessories, the dresses, and the vivid sale section. I stopped by the lush fabrics in the bedding section. Held the beautiful glass cups and goblets in the light of the kitchen ware section. I smelled every soap, perfume, and candle that was around. By this point i'm sure i looked like another looney who wanders a store for much too long. In any case, after about an hour and half i had made some damage on my cc and walked out without a frown.

Again, as much as i hate being this "confessions of a shopaholic" type, this was my hour and half away from dumb reality. I was able to escape from my worries and really just care about if this color would go with that color. But maybe in the end...

It's time to find a new kind of therapy.


Long Weekend Ends

It's a curious thing being in the working world and finding people so in love with the fact that a three day weekend has approached yet when it passes they are more miserable than they were at last week's normal weekend.

Is this how things will amount in the next few years now? we only desire these long weekends and hope for the vacation times to come faster. Are we not going to enjoy the week for what it is anymore?

I've been spoiled by all of school's insurmountable holidays.


John Williams

I hope that johnny lives for another 50 years so that my kids can hear his amazing compositions!!

I went to the hollywood bowl tonight to listen for the first time (i know, pathetic) John William's compositions over time. Goodness i was blown away beyond anything. I mean i know that he's done some of hollywood's greatest hits, but my thoughts about his music didn't really go past the 80s star wars gigs.



i mean the list goes on and on and on. By the first song of Harry Potter at the bowl tonight i knew that this was going to be an annual thing. I'm in love.


Up in Smoke

I understand that the Station fires happening right now in LC and other parts of the greater los angeles county have been pretty frightening and damn well horrible for our lungs, but i can't help but admire the sunsets.

Like today the sun looked like it was a bleeding a hot red and melting beneath clouds where there are no words for it's color. It was frighteningly beautiful.

But i've come to sadly realize that a Southern California summer without any brush fire is a strange summer. one that is out of order and one that needs to be put back into order. But every year i hear about fires, i see fires, i smell fires and can't help but wish that people stop making fires happen. It's like the perpetual mixed feelings of watching them in awe and being absolutely angered by it all. I drive up the 110 daily and can't help but try to stop the tears that keep mustering behind my eyes because of the horrible situation this is causing on so many lives. I've become so much more emotional in light of natural/unnatural human disaster.

which reminds me

don't watch the History Channel's special on the failing infrastructure of america. That has led me to believe that every bridge in america will crumble. The kind of fear that happens when you cross the arts building bridge in Irvine the first time as a freshman and somehow miss a step and lurch forward. And then you think "Am i crazy? or is this bridge moving??"

Breath of fresh air

I get a chance to breathe every now and again even despite the horrific air conditions right now. Today's breath of fresh air (i sound like NPR radio) couldn't have happened without the purchase of a few tickets and a drink of tea. I can't say that this person was quite a good friend of mine.. we're hardly acquaintances.. but we sat down and talked for hours. I felt immediately comfortable sharing things with him and listening to all his great stories. I couldn't help but feel at ease and hope that the coffee shop didn't close so quickly. I've come to realize that sometimes strangers have the excellent quality to take you for who you are at the moment and not based on whats happened in the past. Granted, he wasn't completely a stranger and maybe we just make great conversationalists... but it was a great way to put my evening away.


Another chapter

Today i spent the whole date at the Irvine apartment cleaning up whatever we had left at our abode and taking home all the rest of my furniture. I couldn't believe the amount of stuff that just fit inside my dad's sub but what i couldn't believe even more was how that was it. My college career fit inside of two car rides up and down from Irvine to LA. That was it.

My chapter in Irvine has closed.

But honestly, it wasn't that emotional. My attachment has grown thin to the town since my move back to la back in march/april. I realized i never belonged in irvine. It was a means to be in school and my friends made it my home... but the city itself... hardly. I'm just made for the city and LA has welcomed me back. With open arms and a burning mountain.


Setting and Rising.

The way the sun comes down at an earlier time towards the end of august and into september are always really sad reminders to me of how summer is winding down. Somehow driving home from work today through Figueroa in downtown made me think about England and Egham and just the year i had a abroad again. I think one of the most thrilling feelings and also really sad feelings was when the term was ending and summer was beginning and the days in England were getting incredibly longer - marking another end to a journey to the end of a season.

I specifically remember one night where many of us were hanging out at Kingswood and the drivers from the SU had been going back and forth from the parking lot. Me, being slightly hammered, yelled to the driver and asked if i could ride with him for the rest of the night until his shift ended. At around 3am i saw the sun start to change the deep shade of black blue in the sky to a hazy purple, orange, and red. I was completely taken by how early the night was turning into day and the stunning colors in the change. I shared a really sweet moment with that driver too. We talked about music, life in LA compared to England, family, friends, partying, the weather.. all of it. I expressed to him how much i'd miss this place, how i wish i met more people, and how it was unfortunate to make friends with someone so late in the game. He laughed and joked how i was already due back for a visit before i left. And with that the hours passed and students were all dropped off at their homes. The sky had turned into a cloudy blue as he took me for one last spin around the town and Royal Holloway before dropping me back off at block 7. Gave me a hug and wished me luck.

i never got his name or friended him on facebook. - it was something i shared quietly with myself as a good moment between a person and enjoyed it for what it was. A short summer night.


New Projects

So i have two new projects as far as my blogging world has come. I've finally decided to keep this blog as a companion to my personal life and thoughts while others to my somewhat multiple attributes.

So things to look out for?

One is still under development for our time as the age of the 20 - somethings.

One is for food.

see you soon!


Wasting Time

I would like to consider myself an active person.. someone who is on the go and constantly needing to do something with her hands. But today i felt like a vegetable. I suppose driving to the dentist and exploring old town with Chris was attempts to accomplish things... but i came home with the idea that i would rest easy and then study a bit..

one thing leads to another.. i see fresh fruit salad in the refridgerator.. i sit on couch.. click on the telly.

game over.

I sat for HOURS watching and watching and watching.

Cake Boss, True Life MTV I'm addicted to porn, Cake Boss, Diners Drive Ins and Dives, ABDC, Law and Order SVU, Mystery Diagnosis, Training Day, Cake Boss, Gymnastics on NBC...

MY GOODNESS! just too much tv.

I think i really need to set myself a limit from now on about how much tv i'm allowed to watch. Exerting some self-control and when to simply just turn off the TV. And it doesn't stop at TV.. i think i really need to control how much time i spend online on YouTube as well. And honestly... even how i read books. I know reading is a good thing but not when it's already 3am and i think there are 100 pages left i can finish it.. and i end up staying up another hour or so.

exerting self-control.


how do you just know??

So with my mom and dad's anniversary quickly approaching I was curious yet again this year on how it exactly worked between my mom and dad. Just a bit of background information for those who don't know but my parents only knew each other for 2 months before tying the knot. That's like less than a uci quarter of class to learn about a person... Granted I couldn't even learn where the basal ganglia was in the brain in that time.. But here 24 years later they stand to be my living proof that marriage works and love can exist for two people in ways that will never deviate from destiny.

But how?

How is it in less than 2 months my mom knew my dad was the right guy to spend the rest of forever with..

I asked her this exact question in my broken korean. And how did my mom respond?

"He made me feel comfortable. I just knew."

So is this what I'm looking for? This unexplainable reasoning of just knowing when one meets someone?? People may say that times have changed and that people get married for all the wrong reasons.. Well I don't think my mom's reasons were sound but look where they are. Funny how things work out.

C'est la vie.



Finding your strength

So, I'm a huge advocate for personality tests and explanations that follow thereafter. So you'll see i'm in tune with being an ENFJ on MyersBriggs, a number 7 on the enneagram, and a orange in colors (wow 10th grade anyone?). It isn't an obsessive need to know what kind of person i am... but rather a means to tell me how to improve the person i am or if not allocate why i react the way i do in certain situations. I also think that these personality tests do well in explaining a lot about a person's personality in words when not thought of otherwise. Also, its really interesting for me to see how i am with other people - it gives deeper meaning why i don't get along with some people and why others create synergy with me. And in light of all of various personality tests that are out there.. i've taken to another one!

Yena and Evelyn had told me about this one called the Strengths Finder by Tim Roth (a NYtimes #1 Bestseller). The book actually gives you what you will find out about yourself after you take an online test provided with a code exclusive to you after purchasing the book. It felt somewhat backwards to me, but i understood where it was taking me. After a 30 min slew of questions about things that seemed very relevant, somewhat relevant, and neutral to me it led me to five Top Strengths. As they like to put it..

So what am i?

1. Woo
2. Activator
3. Communication
4. Futuristic
5. Adaptability

Pretty spot on if you ask me.

But more importantly, what i enjoyed about this book was not only the little snippet they gave giving detailed information of each strength, but its checklist of things that will help in managing these strengths. The checklist gives you a place to really evaluate your strength and nuture it to be stronger. Because the Strength Finder isn't trying to spot your weaknesses and improve them so as to become more "equal" and "balanced" in life. It's a means to gain even more strength by your strengths and to care for what you're good at. ie. your Talents. Excellent book i would say... somewhat geared more towards the office world but nevertheless i'm excited to read about other people's strengths if they take this test as well.



When I'm Old...

So i found out today that my grandma has decided not to let the rest of the family in America take care of her but instead will be staying in Korea. Although I am not particularly happy with this decision, I cannot help but give her some credit for fighting this one out on her own. She decided that Korea is where she is comfortable and refuses to believe that just because there is family in the states that she will ultimately be happy here instead. But out of all this uproar in the family, I began to wonder if I would be the same if I got to be as old as my grandmother.

Though people could consider this situation to be senile and stubborn of my grandmother.. i don't particularly believe that it is. She has already given living in America a try and it did not go over too well... plus, she has friends and relatives (siblings) who come see her much more often than i see my brother now. I suppose in this whole situation it made me wonder how much people are willing to refuse what others think is best for them and do what they think is best for themselves instead. I want to be able to live like my grandmother when I'm her age. Not to say that i want to be alone with no nuclear family around... but more so that even after years of being dependent on a significant other, there is still stability and the strength to stand on one's own two feet. I suppose the only thing is to be supportive of her and make sure she hasn't hurt herself.


Finding bits and bobs

When i go on a mission to look for something around my house i always have a tendency to stray from what I was initially looking for.

today's treasures after searching for a calculator??

A load of gelly roll pens

A box with all my old earrings from high school

An iPod car charger

-- quite pleased.

unfortunately, i didn't find a calculator. Therefore will continue to do math problems on a cellphone. Cheers to my nV2.



I want to know

Generation of 20 somethings. Those just becoming, those developing and those leaving. A demographic where so many changes happen in life and so much could determine your future. I just want to know the way we change during these years.. or not change at all.



A special highlight

"Hello? Cardinal here!"

A special highlight of my day was speaking with the guy who takes the pharmacy's orders for certain wholesale generic brand drugs. What usually is composed of a 5 minute order where lots of numbers get tossed here and there, turned out to be a fullfledged 20 minute conversation on life. So this guy tells me about his life.. i mean not everything but enough for me to know that his 26 year old sounding voice is actually 35 and that he's married with a kid. But he tells me during this conversation how fortunate i am to be graduated now when the economy has decided to take a turn for the worse in this economic travesty. His reasons? Cut backs on school spending. greatly affected the future kids who are middle/high schoolers now. I suppose i thought we were the unfortunate generation, the "nobody can get a job" era, the failure to have a specialization leads to unemployment age, but no... there are kids out there who may be dreaming as big as we did.. but will not even get the opportunity to forge their dreams and culture their desires because a school can't fund certain classes, will not open registration for a semester, or completely slice out certain curriculum. scary thought.




Dear me.

Lots has happened since i've last blogged. The king of Pop died (RIP MJ), an angel fell (RIP FF), i've graduated officially from university, and now i have a nearly 3month old puppy - who is probably big enough to eat my hand off already. I suppose in that time though the self is what is important (in all self-loving ways) and that i, mySELF, have been tested over this period. and that in this search for SELF i've figured out a lot.

So it's been a trying period for me these past two/three weeks yet i'm finally learning things about myself that i thought would never have occurred. it's a beautiful thing i swear.

Moving forward, I've been meaning to finally get a creative outlet and I suppose my blog is the best place to start.

But by having a stolen camera, pressed for time from work, and time spent with my precious Ritzy... where is the time?

Then again, I finally got some prints off my Holga.. i should just ask f'in overpriced Samy's to just load my pictures on a CD-R. F'ers.

ask for my PPFFCC mix. it's pretty damn good.



3 days..

So the days are winding down and graduation is looming... can i say that i am excited?


Because i've been a graduate for the last 3 months and it's been kinda boring if you ask me. But hey! other than that, i'll be glad to receive a little black book that has no diploma in it until later this summer.

So what AM i excited for?

SsamJiGil - Seoul, South Korea
Photo Courtesy: Dolmang - Flickr

flying away from america for a little bit and scratching that travel itch i seem to get so often.

and i get to see my grandma. love.


Steve Mallory

"You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they're not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict - and they call it growth. at the end there's nothing left, nothing unreversed or unbetrayed; as if there had never been an entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment?"


Typing while mom sleeps

typing secretly while my mother sleeps is so incredibly difficult.


i'll blog tomorrow instead. this is making me have anxiety. lol


Dance Dance Dance

Love the Kazooozie


Time to smell flowers

Last week i went to the Huntington Library with my parents. While walking the enormous grounds i couldn't get over how beautiful the spring season was calling all the flowers to bloom. I don't know what it is about this year, but i especially stopped to smell the flowers more than any other year. I never recognize this season as being significant. But even walking around the engineering area on campus last quarter around mid march proved to be a breathtaking sight. I guess the flowers are just getting the recognition i had neglected so many years before. wonderful.


Still counting

How much longer must i wait??


Final Finals

Last thursday I experienced the most emotional day of classes ever in my career as a student. It was just that, I was no longer a student at 5pm. I had completed my term as an undergraduate student at UC Irvine and all I could think about was... what is next?? Given such sorrowful situation, I was delighted to find myself with a five dollar bill on the corner of the bridge between the arts and mesa parking. Only to pay my way into a night of bizarre fun at the coveted Dave n Busters.



In any case, this week is marking my last finals ... and in fact i only have one. So i guess it will be my final final. Having completed everything i'm taking this studying at a glacial pace. Which is worrying me because I should be undertaking more at this point with the work i have to complete with Ocean as well. But none of this phases me as I'm only seeing one thing in my future right now... New York City.

I've missed traveling since.. well Arizona, but still... it'll be nice to complete my studies with this trip and really relish in what the city has to offer.



Tonight I went to an MFA poetry reading by Carol Muske Dukes and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I remember going to an MFA reading back in sophomore year and thinking how bored I was the entire time. But tonight was exceptionally good.

Carol Muske Dukes' late husband is the actor David Coleman Dukes and her dedication to him is displayed so vividly through her poetry in her recent book, Sparrow. I thought that she was going to write some morbid/depressing poems that were quite literally cliche, but her manner of writing about her late husband was so private and incredibly well versed. She said over and over again during her reading that she tried to tap multiple ways of expressing her sorrow and was trying to get over the grief in her poetry. But honestly, I thought that if it had not been the passing of her husband the material she churned out wouldn't have been as rich. It takes a moment in life and a situation that is so life changing to provoke work that is this powerful. I never thought i would be moved to tears from poetry reading... but i definitely was emotional.

She is excellent.

Mad 24 Hours

This past weekend was such a whirlwind of events that i'm not sure where to begin exactly.

Well, I suppose to start things off, I was a part of 24hr. MFD at UCI this year. With film crew Hush Hush, I thought we were going to be winners. We spent all of Friday night into Saturday filming and being delirious from working off of low carb energy drinks. But with a great concept in mind and a heart to win, we filmed like crazy. And by the 26th waking hour in me, i started to feel the energy in my body trying to grab whatever it could from wherever. I was still standing from the little coffee i drank at McDonalds and some kind of delerium that I can't really describe. Finally around 3 pm we had finished filming. I left when the editting began and left it to the pros to complete whatever was to be finished. Then, i spent one hour sleeping after 30+ hours of not, and I jetted to Kollaboration. The show was really entertaining. Lots of amazing performers and got to see some old faces. I get back to Irvine thinking that our film had already been submitted and knock out. Done.

I wake up this morning and get a call from James. Turns out ... the computer we were working on for the editting portion decided to crap out on us and not transfer the 5 min. film back onto a tape after the editting was done. just five minutes. So we had to forfeit the competition.

James put this whole situation in great perspective,

"It's like reaching the finish line and not being able to cross it."

I mean I can't say that it was the worst thing that has happened to me... but I can definitely tell you that it was one of the most disappointing. You put so much effort into something that seems like it is going to be a winner and end up losing because of something as retarded as an upload. It just burned. A lot.


Dumpling disaster

While I was studying for my anthro/linguistics midterm, I realized that I was freezing cold and really hungry. So figured, why not boil up some of my halmunee's delicious handmade dumplings and eat them piping hot to warm my frozen body. so i boiled the water, wait it out, put the dumplings in the water and wait some more. I pulled out my plate from the cupboard and excitedly place the finished steaming dumplings on the plate. I drizzle some soy sauce, vinegar, and a pinch of pepper over the delicious pockets of joy. PERFECT! I then take my dish with utensil in hand and head to the dining table. I take my first bite and it's cold.


stupid cold apartment.


He's just not that into me.

So i'm a sucker for chick flicks... but chick flicks with a message get to me even more. earlier this evening, well it was more like the 11oclock showing, I watched
He's Just Not That Into You with mai and sharon. First, i loved the film. Even though one of the characters i know had to emulate a lot of the horrible stories of women being really really embarassing, i know that there was something in her that a lot of girls could relate to. If you've ever read the book... it's done so well. but it made me think about my stupid things i had done in the past concerning guys and this movie makes me remember how the book really affected me...

Back in freshman year i had THE biggest crush on a guy. I totally thought that this was it. He was mr. perfect. We had class together and one day while i was waiting for a friend he introduced himself to me. After some small talk, we exchanged numbers and what i would like to say was the rest was history stopped there. So he never called me and later i find out that he was actually in a relationship. But I didn't care, because like any girl, i was blind. We continued to have class together and talk here and there, but nothing ever happened. But I couldn't help but feel grossly young and giddy whenever i was around him. Eventually, he went away, graduated, but something funny had started. We started to write emails to one another. And i mean, really really extensive ridiculous emails. Can one really flirt through emails? I'm not quite sure... but nevertheless, they became the BANE of my existence. I mean really horrible stuff. I would write to him immediately, write longer emails, anticipate his emails, and hope that we had this "connection." But one day, my friend passes me this book He's Just Not That Into You, and it's clarity. Like a breath of fresh air after it rains in a month of drought.WHO WAS I KIDDING!? he didn't see me in this way at all... he didn't care to call me, he didn't care to see me more than a friend, he didn't care about me the way i cared about him. but the way i would talk about him to my girlfriends really would make it sound like things were going great! That he enjoyed talking to me and that in fact he might just be interested. but nothing happened. the emails continued but he was as platonic as he could be and i was so lost. i read into them like they were love letters in beautiful gmailing font and picked at every word. I became this helpless thing that obsessed over something that clearly had no interest in me. The book spoke truth and the movie did as well ... well, in a very hollywood kind of way. I learned that i really needed to stop kidding myself into believing that whatever i had between this guy was "real." That nothing can be clear unless he has clearly made the move, and he clearly didn't and this stupid cat and mouse ordeal lasted for so long that it's embarassing to even say how long... like me confessing this story here. But in any case, I learned a lot about myself and how easily i can fall into this horrific catagory of being that girl, that dumb girl. But i've lifted myself out of it and tread waters carefully yet with an open mind. Because even if stupid things like this happen, it doesn't make me lose hope that there is a good guy out there that suits me and pursues me for in everyway i pursue him.


all in all. watch the movie. It's good.


Le Lit

Henri de Toulouse . Le Lit

i don't know what it is about this painting but the moment i saw it while i was in paris all i could think of how this could quite possibly be my definition of bliss. one lovely big bed with enormous blankets and nobody else but the love of my life. i love the messiness, its curious angle of the girl leaving the viewer to wonder if she is looking on to her partner... its just one painting that i continue to love every time i see it. It is just so serene and something i would just love to have one day. to be like this... to open my eyes and see whoever he will be.

am i a hopeless romantic?

actually... i hate guys who are super romantic right off the bat.

the irony. do i come off too strong?



I can't say i remember ever doing a movie post... but i'm in the mood.

Director: Pierre Salvadori

I'm a fiend when it comes to Audrey Tatou. She has such a timeless face and i got really excited when i heard that she is coming out with a new movie. So i can't say the idea of the movie is very original because to me it seems very reminiscent of Breakfast at Tiffany's... but in that sense i'm excited to see this french twist on Breakfast. They say that Tatou is actually the new Audrey Hepburn... does it help that they have the same first names?


Oak Tree Inn

Happy Lunar New Year!

Last night, while waiting in the car with my grandmother, i asked her what she does everyday. Somehow the conversation went from day by day things that she does to her far far past. We started to talk about how she met my grandpa and what she used to do with her time back then. But the part of the conversation that seemed to stir her the most when she started talking about what her aspirations used to be when she was younger. dreams cut short and quite living in some regret. All i could think was that i didn't want to be this. I couldn't stand to think that i could potentially feel regret in my 60+ years.

I guess now is the time to start moving along.


it's morning

good morning world.

a pack of Guinness
A bottle of Bailey's
& a bottle of Rosé...

4 girls

a guy

and a pizza place.

What a whirlwind of events in the past few days. I'm not quite sure how to sum it up... but for sure i know that its been lazy and relaxed. Maybe it's time to kick into some action but why bother for now?


Guinness is good for you.