The junior year of my high school year my family and i went to Europe. We hit England, France, Switzerland, and Italy. But the funny thing was that when we were here (or there) all i was was a miserable teenage angst-struck girl who was sick of traveling with the extended parts of the family. I was in tears most of the time because I saw nothing that was to any part of my own desire. So, what did i do? I promised myself on a night tour of Rome that i would come back to Europe and do it right when i was older. What is crazy is that I had actually thought that Paris was not as good as i had always imagined it to be when i first came. But this last trip re-evaluated everything and made me realized that it was everything that i had dreamed of it to be before i came out the first time before my senior year.

It was a dream. It was pain au chocolats, bonjours, au revoirs, crepes, fondue, Parisennes, angelina's, chocolat, baguettes, D'orsay, and so much more. I loved everything about Paris. It was incredible because 5 years ago i was afraid to walk the streets alone and this past time i walked myself from the Eiffel tower to D'orsay to Academie Musique without a problem. I realized that it was then that things have changed dramatically for me. I've disconnected from my parents, i've become my own, and i love running around by myself. Of course, Cheryl and Adrienne made the experience all the better.. but I felt so at peace being in Paris and soaking in what it had to offer. It was the best feeling.

Now i'm done with exams and i can't wait to see what troubles i come up within the last weeks i have in the country i've so desperately fallen in love with. I'm all yours England.


So close

But damn why does it have to be so far away?

Today, I went to dinner and sat with all the others in my hall. out of the 10 or so out of us only 3 others were still in exams. I'm so close but it seems just that much further away from reaching my goal of the end of exams. the funny thing is that i don't think that i want it to come either. I want it to end so quickly and have so many things to look forward to but that only means that my time here is coming to a close. what it ultimately means is that i'll be leaving here before i even know it.

So then what do i do?

I try to set myself up in this idea that since i'm here and i don't have much time i should just enjoy myself, studies or no studies included. But at the same time another side of me is telling me that i came here to study as well as have fun and should study as much as i can while i'm still awake. I keep convincing myself that i've worked hard enough for the day so i lay off for a bit and even manage to take naps. I don't want this to be over but I don't want to be in exams. I really just want to hang out, enjoy my company, and bake some more in the sun.

Is this too much to ask for?


Downside of Summer

I know that there are plenty of upsides of summer that many people enjoy. The sunshine, the ladies wearing skimpier clothing, the drinks in the sun, tans, sunglasses that you can actually wear appropriately, beaches, and the whole spectrum of glorious summer traits. But there is always a downside. Who am I kidding, its the one upside of winter that makes the downside of summer so down. Ok, enough ups and downs. But I can definitely say that the worst part of summer are the bugs.

Mosquitos and all those other pesky little mosquitos are the BANE of my existence during the summertime. Especially since I get terrible allergic reactions to bug bites, they are just not my slice of pie. And i don't know what it is, but within the last two/three days i've accumulated over 7 mosquito bites. And these are those cute little mosquito bites that get no bigger than a five pence coin (a dime for you Americans), but they grow and swell to the size of a baseball (cricket for you English). They get feverish and they turn into this intense bright red color. Unfortunately, of the 7 mosquito bites, 6 of them are dispersed on my legs, which means no shorts for quite awhile. what a drag! its hitting 77ºF tomorrow and i wanted to tan my legs...



Can it take any longer for the sunshine to finally come out and show itself? it took so long for the sun to show itself in England but it came out to the extent that i have burned! well it isn't a crazy tan but i won't lie, i see myself getting browner and the other girls here are red as tomatoes. Which means that the sun was hot enough to get the blood boiling in all respects

With exams all the way until the end of May, there is no doubt that not everyone is finished with their exams. The funny thing though is that people are coming out to Founder's quad as though exams have already finished and are enjoying a light alcoholic jug of Pimms to enjoy with it all. I have never seen all of Roho so happy with sunshine in their faces. I won't even deny the fact that i got my ounce of sunshine as well. Yesterday i went out with Cheryl from 10am until 4pm grasping every little UVA and UVB under my spf40'd skin. I unfortunately not knowing how sunny it was going to be wore a shirt that had a huge X on the back and there followed a beautiful jester pattern. It is so good to see my arms back to their normal color that i can almost forget my sallowness from the weeks before. We went again this morning at 10 to sit and study but by 2 o clock i had been drained of my energy or will power and punched drunk with love by the sun. By quarter past two, i was knocked out in my room until four. what a beautiful afternoon. summer you're the love of my life. x


The Cans Art Festival

I've been to plenty of art exhibitions and there are plenty that i have missed unfortunately. But there was one that i refused to miss yesterday. With the goodness of facebook Jenny managed to send me a message about the Cans Art Festival that was to take place in a tunnel underneath Waterloo Station in London. With exams still well underway, i knew that it would be somewhat problematic to try to even go anywhere outside of Egham, but i had to stop myself and think. What reasons i came out here were not limited to the studying that RoHo has been restricting for me to do. There is a life outside of the walls of Founder's Building and i was definitely out to find what it was. So at 8am, i pushed my precious Ben aside and clamored out of bed in order to get out to the train station by 9am. Stupid train times were longer than usual because of stupid Bank Holiday, but i slept on the train and made it to Waterloo. I shoved my way into the queue that was longer than some that i've witnessed in England, and was ready to "GENTRIFY THIS!" This was one of the most refreshing art exhibitions i've been to in such a long time. Banksy gone and done himself well by making sure this wonderful stencilized event got seen. Check it.

all i can is that it was well worth the wasted half day because well,... it wasn't wasted at all.


Democracy in Britain

Tomorrow's exam is quite possibly one of the most difficult exams I will encounter since the start of my exam period this past week. Unfortunately, while everyone else was complaining how in their last exam they couldn't fully complete their last question out of 3 to the extent that they wanted to, I won't be able to fully complete my last exam of the week out of three. Was relatively more prepared to get down to the exam for the last exam, but now i'm wondering if i am even going to be passing this class tomorrow. i suppose that only time will help me figure it out. i really don't care about whether the system is pluralist or competitive elitist. i don't care if people think that the PM is actually closer in personality to the President of the US. i just. don't. care.

Other than that, i've realized i don't like the rain any more. Back in California i used to appreciate rain as it was the only means making the dust settle, freshen the air, and get a free car wash. Here, all it is is miserable. I'm watching it fall between little teases of sunshine and its by far the worst thing ever. Its been raining for the last 3-4 weeks and its just been incessant. All i hear about from californians is the effect of sunshine being so hot and gross that they just want to stay inside their air conditioned rooms. hello, people. my room is still being heated 24/7 with the radiator that sits in the corner.

where are you sunshine? where?